Stuck in a Funk!

So I have been in this "mood" now for almost a week now, and it doesn't help that I can't really explain what it is I am feeling or why. So I looked up Funk in the dictionary and this is what I got...

Source 

This explains a lot...I am going to go with 1 and 2 combined. I have a great fear of life....and what may come in the next 4 months, and I also have this dejected mood that seems to be just lingering. I am really not sure if it is the wedding coming up in 3 months that has be so stressed out so much that I can't even function. Maybe it's our busy schedule and our endless checklist of projects and outings that are costing us money. Seems like the theme of my life right now is "If it's not one thing, it's another!" Complaining is really the only thing I feel like I am doing right now days. 

I am looking forward to this weekend though and spending come quality, much needed time with my bride's maids. We are going dress, and accessory shopping for their dresses. Really hoping I can shake this mood by then I really don't want to be a Debbie downer. I think my "Funk" is due to lack of me time. I love Alex to death and I love every minute of every day I am with him, but I am going through this whole I am losing my Independence phase (again) I am freaking myself out about the wedding and that It better be the right thing to do, because I don't want to be part of the 85% divorce rate in the US now days.  

Not to worry I will be okay, give me a few days and I will be back with a happier post. 

Till then...

Boiling Point!

So Friday is finally here this week seems like it just flew by. With the Housewarming party tomorrow my mind is going 100 miles an hour and I don't know what to do first. Trying to focus on breathing and not having a panic attack. I love gatherings with friends and family it is probably one of my favorite things to do, but when it is at our house for the 1st time " I am freaking out!" "What if there is not enough, forks, pickles, napkins?" These are questions and thoughts that keep running though my head and stressing me out. I have made a physical, mental, and iPad checklist of everything I need to clean. Think I am crazy...don't worry so do I, but it is just something that makes me feel better.

My Hunny Bunny is trying to help me sleep tonight by going to Sam's with me after work, and getting all the food and everything we need for the party. I am also having one of my very best friends Megan come over extra early tomorrow to get a head start on this cleaning project. Very excited to present our 1st real house to all our friends and family.

Other news in our Itty Bitty Life...I pick up my wedding dress in 2 weeks so I am really getting back on this low carb thing and trying to lose some weight. I am calling it Project Shed Some Pounds. Sounds way better than that horrible "D" word they use. Invitations are going to be done by mid July. I really hope that is not to late for an October 1st wedding. I think after this party is over  I can breath sit back, and start slowly getting back into the wedding planning.

I am hoping to take some pictures this weekend, If I am not running around like a chicken with my head cut off! I'll keep you posted!

till then,

" I have forgot to stop, & smell the flowers."

"Life".... It's one of those words I to often use to explain an unfortunate situation or incident. My life right now is going so fast in front of my eyes I don't know where to grab and hang on to. I remind myself at night the things I didn't finish, and the things I need to add to tomorrows list. Its overwhelming and exhausting I have so many mixed emotions, but what is coming out the most is anger.

Source 

I have reached a point where my body, and mind are telling me no, and I want to keep going. I am mad at the world because I feel like I am doing this all alone. In reality all I have to do is ask. It's a self battle with me and my thoughts, and what I want. I compare myself to other people, and where they are in life. I have forgot to stop and smell the flowers. I have been so involved in moving, getting unpacked, getting ready for housewarming party,The wedding (only 3 1/2 months away), softball, and working. I have forgot to remind the love of my life how much he really means to me.  I have forgot to call my mom and chat on the phone just to hear how she has been doing. I have forgot to run a hot bath and soak with some candles to relax.

Source

My vision is so tunneled right now I can't see anything around me, and I am terrified I am going to miss these moments.  These are the moments I am never going to get back. Alex and I have no kids, and we have our life...our plans, and everything we do is for us. I don't appreciate enough of what I have in life. I need to remember to stop and smell the flowers, because what if one day those flowers are not there to smell? Brings tears to my eyes to even image living a day without Alex, or my parents, our close friends. 

Instead of filling my mind with thoughts of what is not done, and what I am going to have to do next. Maybe I need to listen to what God wants me to hear, I am so busy always doing, and never have time to stop and listen.It's sad that I have to watch " P.s I love you" to make me want to lay in Alex's arms and smell his shirt...just to have that memory...and feeling.  My goal this week is listening. I am going to close my mouth and open my heart and listen to what God has for me to hear. 

P.s Here is our cute Housewarming Party invitations I made in word! 

Till then...

Almost Back to Normal.....Almost!

Source 

Through the blood, sweat, and the tears we finally did it. We are moved! Although moving plans didn't really go exactly as planned, but what does these days? We figured we would start moving through out the weeks before so we would not rush it all in before the weekend softball trip to Wichita Falls came the last week of May. So we moved load by load day by day, and seemed like there was no ending to moving. We would load the truck, and think we had a lot done and come back and there was even more stuff to move. Moving is one of my least favorite things in the entire world. Hard to believe because there is a lot of harder things, but something about the stress from moving, and the loading and unloading. I HATE IT! Ahh now its all over and we are officially moved in as of last Sunday when I unpacked the last box standing! Feels good the house is so roomy and as we look around our neighborhood we are the youngest people there which makes us smile in a sense of accomplishment.

My goal now is to make it through June alive and get right back to wedding planning in July. Also I have some really cute ideas for project around the house I am so excited to share.  I really love to look at before and after pictures and I can't wait to have our own from our 1st house.

stay tuned...